The other day I was cleaning and told Alexa (our Amazon Echo) to play songs by Sabrina Carpenter. A couple minutes later the volume went up. Ani’s been staying in the room that will be my parents’ when they move here so she can be near the rest of us but still stay in bed most of the time and not have to go up and down the stairs while she is still unsteady. Clearly, she approved of my choice in cleaning music. A few months ago Ani and I went to see Sabrina in concert. It was amazing. She is an amazing singer and performer.
And I learned something I never expected to learn at a 17-year-old’s show.
When we got there, just ahead of us in line was a man, probably in his early 20s. He had long dreadlocks, was generally scruffy, and wasn’t dressed nearly as nice as everyone else in line. He definitely didn’t look like someone you’d expect to see at a Disney star’s concert. Not who you’d expect to enjoy upbeat pop music.
And it was obvious the security people agreed with my split-second assessment. As everyone eyed him, judging him and whether he belonged there, the security spent two or three full minutes thoroughly wanding him. Everyone else got a cursory pass front and back and a quick peak in bags and purses and were sent on our way. Nothing alarmed when they wanded the guy so he was sent on into the venue.
We found seats and I discovered I was right next to the scruffy guy. I wondered what in the world he was doing at a Sabrina Carpenter concert. Surely he wasn’t a fan. Her fans don’t “look” like him, do they?
And then the concert started.
I think that man may have been the biggest Sabrina fan in the room. He sang along every word and danced to every song. He openly cried several times. I talked to him a little bit. He hadn’t heard she was coming to San Antonio until it was too late (the tickets sold out in just a few minutes), but then the venue released a few tickets that had been held for season pass holders in the middle of the night before the concert. He stayed up half the night in order to snag one of those tickets. He was so happy to be there and it showed. He’s had some tough times and Sabrina’s music has helped him get through it.
I couldn’t help but wonder if the judgment from all of us in line and the security people contributed to his “tough times.”
Thursday Jamie and I went to Chipotle to get lunch while Ani was sleeping in her hospital room. We ate outside since it was a nice day. A man came up to us and apologized profusely for bothering us, but wondered if we had any change we could spare so he could get something to eat. He didn’t look like a typical homeless person. He was dressed relatively okay. Immediately I wondered if he was scamming us.
But then I remembered that young man at the concert. Just because this man didn’t look like what I think of as a homeless or hungry person, it doesn’t mean he isn’t. I gave him a couple dollars. I can spare it and if he is hungry at least I didn’t turn him away and if he was lying, well, that’s on him.
Yesterday we had family home evening (we do it Sunday because Monday night half the family isn’t home). We did some things for the little boys’ Cub Scouts electives. We talked about hidden disabilities. Their own sister has one. She’s sick, but she can push herself and put on make-up so she looks okay to everyone else. Their older brother has one, too. As long as he doesn’t have to read something out loud, you’d never know just meeting Cameron that he has dyslexia.
You never know just looking at someone what is going on underneath. We all are constantly judging people and that’s okay. That judgment could save our lives. But when we are clearly in a safe place and we still judge that this person doesn’t belong at a 17-year-old performer’s concert or that person doesn’t look homeless and is just scamming asking for money for food or this other person looks healthy and so couldn’t possibly be spending 3/4 of her life in bed, then it’s a problem. That’s when we lose compassion. And now more than ever in this world what we really need is compassion.
I’m really thankful I got to get the whole story of that guy at the Sabrina Carpenter concert. I’m glad it didn’t just end with seeing him head into the venue wondering what in the world he was even doing there. I’m grateful for what he taught me.